Its been few months since I moved out of the circle of my friends and network, which took shape of the dinning table twice a day at least, sometime all four. I was not exactly the epicenter of that zone, but considered an important person whose views/ideas carried lot of weight. My ideas and opinions continued to generate both heat and light, and appreciation and apprehension always boiled within my friends. Until one day by an unfortunate incident I walked out of the periphery. I wont say I never turned back, I do more than often thinking if I did something wrong. Wronged whoever might have, I always believed, but I got to apologise if I really hurt anyone. This had led many situations self-incriminating but I was unfazed, I am still now. I turn back each-time, to see if someone is hurt. Here in my erstwhile friends zone nobody was. I search more in those faces, for a friend they miss, I find none. All those  heat, light and smoke of tete-a-tete were fictional, all those feeling important was just………..for feeling important. Now confusion sets in, what was I, what was I doing there, what I am now. I remember after 3/4 years of experimentation and suffocation by thoughts, when I finally declared in eighth grade that I was atheist, my friend had helped me setting in the same confusion. He asked, “you think you only are right and all the people around are wrong”. I knew I could be right when the whole class was wrong, but this is all people we were talking about. I was scared, I grappled my thoughts back into the think-box and continued to suffocate for many long years. Could all in the friends zone be wrong, the confusion threw another question what should I do next ?

Until today I had no answer and obviously no action followed. A person, well acquainted with my friends zone came over. We always talk very less, but now have two/three meals together. We started off with chinmaya, but rest just rushed in. He was strangely criticizing everyone. I would call it bitching if we had not agreed that those in the friends zone are having great potential in their own field and we were dismayed at their reluctance to diversity. May be I need not be apologetic this time, I am thinking

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