the disappearing faith of the family

Its amazing how some incidents leave mark so strong ! I

My childhood was rather boring. I was always interested in stuff nobody else was. I was born as a fat baby (if you see my pic when i was just learning to crawl, I looked like a baby-sumo-wrestler), I had extra-pounds till 3rd grade I guess. Then somehow I became a frail kid, may be because my aversion to any group activities including sports, games, my indifference to food (my mother used to spend hours trying to feed me by her own hand) and my dislike for non-vegetarianism (here also my ma tried so many ways to make me eat meat/fish unsuccessfully).

Oh, that brings me to a story. In my place, a son is preferred. And as you know I was born after three daughters. So obviously my mother was worried after the birth of her third daughter. Being a devout hindu, when they were visiting a temple, my ma wished for a son. And I was born. She didnt accept my birth as a chance but a blessing, till the end. Anyhow, its a ritual that the first haircut of a baby is usually done in an auspicious place like a temple or something, especially if the baby is, like in my case -a wished one. So my hair grew more, as probably my papa being a near atheist, didnt pay much attention to rituals. It formed dreadlocks like the old saints and whenever they tried to wash my hair properly and comb it nice, it would give some kind of rash on my scalp. My ma was worried and then she forced the family that we go and fulfill the rituals. She says after I was tonsured there, I started growing normal hair.

It sounds weird, but my ma often used to say it to show me the strength of her belief. She even was eager to get me married because some idiotic saint told her, if I didnt marry within my 20th birthday, I might turn into an ascetic, or die. Unfortunately though, my ma died before my 20th birthday, and I was saved (which I still dont know is my fortune or misfortune). Although, I dont believe in celibacy or abstinence (Its too difficult to observe that), I am still not interested in marriage, relationship is okay, dates are okay, even casual one night stands are welcome.

I will leave behind a memoir before I die-just for my family and not for public circulation, but I dont know if I will include all these things. Because I see all these, from the prism of coincidence, but readers/listeners usually see these stories, told in unison, as predestined event unfolding gracefully. We must stop relating everything to every other thing, and see each event in its individuality. Or else we will start reading lines, that were never there.

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