Wordplay in Matrimony

“Mine will be a conditional marriage”

“Marriage itself is a condition my friend, there is no such thing as conditional marriage. Remember, even if you are signing a pre-nup it is still marriage.”

Unable to disagree with me or defend hiself, he explained, ” I am in love with her but if my parents….”

“I got it.” I told him without taking my eyes off the beautiful girl. Her lips with a buried smile particularly attracted me. I scrolled down to look at the annual income and qualification, almost inadvertently. My friend leaned over me, caught a look, said, “Forget about her.”

“Yours is a conditional love. Love is supposed to be unconditional-at least thats what lovers wish for, and you want a stamp of your parental approval”

“You are making me appear like a selfish pig”

I clicked the thumbnail of her photo to enlarge. As the picture loaded on the screen from top to bottom, dramatically delaying the appearance of those luscious lips, my friend said in resignation, “well look at her for the aesthetics”

“But she says, caste no bar” I tried to exude genuine interest.

“Okay. Do you see she has given her caste quite clearly with sub-caste and all ? Well, thats her standard. And ‘caste no bar’ means it is flexible one step up or down. It also suggests her to be educated, modern and liberal. of course, she says, caste no bar.”

” Wow, how long you have been in this field.”

” Shut up.” He pushed my chair aside, forced his in front of the laptop and read through the profile of the girl all over again. Then he clicked back to read my profile, “dude you have to make your profile salable.”

“Photo is okay”

“Education, hobbies excellent”

“No-smoking, alright. No, you gotta make it ‘ drinking: socially’. It gives an in-vogue outlook”

“What will you be earning when you get a permanent job”

I was worried and forced it on my face. I was not sure if I ever wanted a permanent job. “6-7 times may be” I said

“Yes, thats what you put in here. Because thats when you actually start your life”

I laughed, as he carried on with the corrections. I had been living in a cocoon for last quarter of century.

“And hey, how could you be so dumb” He swung half-a-circle to face me.

The best thing to prove you are stupid, is to speak. So I remained silent, but thoroughly puzzled.

“You have mentioned ‘No dowry”.

“yah ?”

“It has to be ‘No demand’. You see, if it is ‘no dowry’ marriage you get nothing. You get married in your house, a temple or church whatever, and you drive off in a rented car with a “just married” sign on it. It will drop you off at the next bus-stop. But in a ‘no demand’ marriage, you keep your mouth shut and after marriage you drive off in your own brand new car saying “happily married” to probably a new flat and spend lavishly for next few months if your profile was strong enough”

I thoroughly enjoyed the wordplay, and particularly his way of putting it. Catching my breath I said, ” ‘just married’ because ‘ i just married, didnt get anything’ and ‘happily married’ because ‘wow,i got so many freebies in marriage i am happy now’ ? ”

“Exactly” my friend said laughing, “the process you are in is muddier than mine,my friend, dont mock me no more”

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