Irrational Beings

The sky is expressionless. It has lost its complexity to intrigue me. As if it is bereft of the mystery of the universe. It can’t be true! Nonchalant, it lies back, looking vacantly but straight at me, unsmiling, saying nothing. And I know, if I look away, turn my eyes away from it, it will turn blue. Even more.

So I lie there, my eyes fixated at the sky, with an assurance it doesn’t trust. Or doesn’t show it trusts. Neither do I as with each passing moment I feel the grass growing into me, getting intertwined, the insects-impatient and squeezed, knocking, trying to open a pore or two. But my body doesnot react, my skin doesnt ruffle. No itches, no goosebumps. This is the moment when the earthly body reconciles and resigns itself to the earth. Slowly, the cosmic bonds among the elements in my body will break and each elements will succumb to gravity programmatically, each of them seeping back into the earth by their mass. What is assuring enough is that this programme is preset to turn off my thoughts. Like they said, “You wont feel a thing”. I wont feel a thing. A pretty smiling face appears over my head fleetingly before a whiff covers me with an unmemorable, ecstatic moment that plays inside me like a spark. Quickly collecting her wrinkled, swirling skirt, pulling a step back, half-laughing, half-embarrassed, she says something and runs away. Her long braid with ribbons, that hung momentarily over my face, is snapped away. I crane my neck to look, but there isn’t a sign of her. Or anyone.

The sky is indifferent. It is still there, still as the celestial bodies but looking uninterested. Looking beyond me, as if, suddenly I have become microscopic or insignificant or transparent. There is no warmth in its company, no promises, no expectations. Or its a giant mirror. I could try to talk, relationship is negotiable conveniences, but i am neither a poet nor an astrophysicist, what I know of it? And we live in different worlds.

I coy with the idea of getting up. There is an awful stillness in my bones. I think of the local energy minima of protein folding, while folding my legs inefficiently to get up. I am being helped. I sit back normally, killing the charitable opportunity to help me. The worries of emergency have worn out. I try but cant look at her directly.

The sun is shining brilliantly above her ahead. Getting irritated, each time as she blocks it in her flow, emerging even stronger. The sky has receded further, preparing a confrontation.

I search traces of that unmemorable moment in her eyes. She wipes it away with a blink. Handing me over a bottle of water, someone beside her says, “we thought you fainted”. In a male voice.

I don’t remember losing consciousness. But when I woke up thinking the sky disappeared from above, there were no moon, no stars. I felt like being on the edge of the universe. And there was nothing to hinge on. So I got up and ran out- probably with open space in mind, or thinking that if I ran enough I would see the the stars through the clearing of the clouds- till i hit the wall. Waking up, again, I searched in the blinding darkness, for the door, for reason I was so lost. Only the cold unshakable grills made me realise I was locked up.

(to be contd.)

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